The men in our family
never make it
past their fiftieth birthday
This was how he chose to say goodbye
with a spike of terror
from his overworked and damaged heart
through my pale unscared chest
stabbing youth with intentions
it could only question for decades
To frighten on to the straight and narrow
To curse the fates that had claimed their prize
To teach his child well
sloth gluttony stress rage
work money sex birth control
responsibility parenting career
control anger management violence
lies truth honesty
best intentions
love
That was then and this is now
fifty-one and never is no more
for today is the birthday that wasn't supposed to be
Even if I fall tomorrow
I will have proved him wrong
existing longer than him
as he fell to his own patriarchal curse long ago
one final well-meaning lesson plan
or one last improvised deathbed attack
finally healed and scarred over but not forgotten
as I remember and forgive
and enjoy my cake with extra sprinkles