The men in our family

never make it

past their fiftieth birthday

This was how he chose to say goodbye

with a spike of terror

from his overworked and damaged heart

through my pale unscared chest

stabbing youth with intentions

it could only question for decades

To frighten on to the straight and narrow

To curse the fates that had claimed their prize

To teach his child well

sloth gluttony stress rage 

work money sex birth control

responsibility parenting career

control anger management violence

lies truth honesty 

best intentions

love

That was then and this is now

fifty-one and never is no more

for today is the birthday that wasn't supposed to be

Even if I fall tomorrow

I will have proved him wrong

existing longer than him

as he fell to his own patriarchal curse long ago

one final well-meaning lesson plan

or one last improvised deathbed attack

finally healed and scarred over but not forgotten

as I remember and forgive 

and enjoy my cake with extra sprinkles